Saturday, November 2, 2019

Story-time With Nikkei_Simmer

A true experience from my security career. I remember getting a 10-87 to respond to an upstairs mall bathroom where a guy was on something and was kicking the door. Like the cop who responds to break-ins in the game only it was times three; three SOs tackled the guy; got him on the ground and restrained him till law enforcement were able to respond. Turns out the cop was a friend of mine on the Mountie force. So I got the short straw to assist our friendly RCMP and escort DippiePerp to the squad car to read him his rights “you have the right to remain silent...blah blah blah.” Turns out the scrote had the presence of mind to hork a loogie at the cop who then proceeded to acquaint the dirtbag’s face with the top of the squad car (sort of a wet melon sound). It may sound like police brutality but well the guy learned a lesson, you expectorate directly at a cop; you’re going to meet the nearest flat surface at a high rate of speed. Well I got my leather pat-down gloves on (it’s supposed to protect us from sharps when we’re searching a suspect) so.my Mountie friend and I wrestle the guy into the rear seat of the red&blue, i may have used a few expletives there “get in the insert expletives (pl.) of choice car!

Well now that the perp had his misaligned braincells readjusted and is sitting in the back seat, I got to tell him, leaning in face to face: back keep in mind that I was 5-8; two-ten with muscle back then, Class 2+ ballistic vest on as well 4D Maglite attached to hip holder (mall security in Canada are not allowed to carry only the armored car guys get to) so I'm intimidating the guy who was hollering about the braincell adjustment. I tell him to shut his hole I may have used expletives here too of course I can’t exactly remember (I may have called him a dirtbag at the time or some other unflattering terms) but rest assured Master Scrote comprehended perfectly clearly; that if he’d done that to me,he'd get far worse than a face smash to the top of a squad car - oh now I remember. I think I told him that he’d be spitting out chiclets as well a copious amount of plasma platelets and whatever type he was making a Rorschach impression on the pavement (now remember there’s a cop standing right there... yes there’s such a thing as solidarity between security and law enforcement and my friend reassures me that oh, yes, he’d look the other way -Nope, didn’t see a thing...)

“oh, yes, sergeant, it appears that the suspect resisted arrest and we had to put him on the ground so that the safety of other mall-goers wasn’t jeopardized; why yes,Sergeant, that bruise? He was wriggling around while we restrained him and he scraped his face along the cement”

...and inform him that he’s banned from that mall permanently (commit violent acts while on a intoxicant and assaulting a law enforcement officer so it was justified and the supervisor had given SOs the right to ban at discretion if we observed acts that justified an immediate ban) that if he shows his face in the mall again, I will personally frog-march his rear to the mall parking lot exit, apply steel-toed boot to his posterior end and ballistically launch his posterior end into traffic on Kingsway.

So every time I see the cop jump the burglar in Sims 3 my mind goes back to my time in security and I can’t help but chuckle.

Ah then there was that time when a dirtbag was siccing his dog (a pit-bull) on other mall-goers. But that’s a story for another time. in short I wished I was in K-9 unit of our security company. Sure could have used a K-9 trained dog then.

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